Craving Connection?

South Africa’s 21 Days of lockdown are in full effect and so many of us are finding ourselves just trying to adjust while others are hit by severe panic and in worse cases, panic. When you’re faced with the unknown, fear is a natural reaction which prompts responses like panic and anxiety. The truth is, being on lockdown for 21 days on your own can be extremely daunting because human beings are social beings. We are hardwired for connection and being left bereft can have a very detrimental effect to one’s emotional wellbeing. But, of course this pales in the face of a pandemic so instead of staying stuck at the negative effects of a lockdown, let’s look at ways to maintain connections, improve our relationships and work on our relationship with

ourselves.

Maintaining connection with friends or a partner can sometimes be more about maintaining clear communication than actual proximity. It goes without saying that when you spend a lot of time with someone, you don’t really get time to miss them. According to a 2013 study by researchers from Cornell University and the City University of Hong Kong, people who are apart from their partners tend to idealize them a lot more than those who are constantly surrounded by their presence. The old adage “distance makes the heart grow fonder” has scientific backup and perhaps this lockdown may be an opportunity to use this distance as an opportunity to learn how to better communicate and care for your loved ones.

Proximity can also trick us into under-communicating. We can easily expect people to know how we’re feeling simply because we assume our physical closeness to make our emotions more apparent but that’s not true either. We need to always use our words and let people know exactly what we’re thinking and how we’re feeling regardless of the nature of our relationship. This lockdown can give you an opportunity to renew your connections by bettering how you communicate. When we own our poor sense of communication, we create room for us to grow.

If your love language is quality time and physical touch or affection, then this lockdown will definitely feel lonely and sometimes, a disheartening experience because you won’t be able to receive love how you are most receptive to it. This however bares opportunities to self-love and comfort. “The best love, is self-love” should be your mantra right now, and you know what? It’s the truth.

Giving yourself the opportunity to experience what love looks and feels like without the physical proximity of other people or of people you tend to get it from will push you to looking inward and finding it, where it has always been. This lockdown is giving each and every one of us an opportunity to work on the most important connection we will ever make in this lifetime, connecting with self.

Getting to know ourselves can take years or trial and error, misunderstandings and new discoveries, changes and new normals. We never stop growing - or at least we shouldn’t - so we should never stop investing in ourselves. A gift that will help ease the angst is building a simple self-care routine that you can carry back into your ‘normal life’. That way, you can keep your mind set on a certain goal that nurtures your soul and lowers unnecessary feelings of distress.

Instead of allowing anxiety to overcome you in this trying time, think of these 21 days as time for a personal assignment. Assign yourself the tasks of bettering your relationship with loved ones by showing more appreciation, bettering your communication skills but using your words more clearly and lastly, investing in a more meaningful relationship with yourself. True connection is the product of intentionality so be intention and be safe.

You can connect with me on Twitter and Instagram @PhemiSegoe.