Are you showing-up?

“Showing up” is a term that is being used more and more lately. We call upon people to show up for themselves and want our people to show up for us. So what is ‘showing up’ and how can you tell when you’re not doing it for someone?

Showing up for one person can look very different for someone else because the nature of “showing up” is rooted in support and love. Despite there being different ways of showing up, one thing is certain, you know when we didn’t show up for someone. No matter how much of your ego you listen to, to subside your shame, when you let someone down, you know it. 

In this article, I want us to look at different ways we can show up for one another. 

1. Pick up the phone 

So many people take a simple call for granted. Picking up the phone to check-up or to follow-up on something mentioned to you goes a very long way. Phone calls also say, ‘I was thinking about you and I did something about it.’

2. Really listen

Oftentimes, when we aren’t completely present in our conversations, we can easily forget what we were told and thus miss the opportunity to extend the conversation by impromptu stimuli. Other times people share their fears and challenges in passing or hidden in subtext. When you’re completely present, you’ll be able to pick it up and see how you can help. 

3. Apologize 

Sometimes, this is all the showing up you need to do. Own your part, own your projections, own your trauma responses & triggers. Take accountability and try to make a mense. 

4. Spend the time

Quality time is a love language because time spent with someone helps build bonds. Physical proximity builds comfortability and creates a sense of safety. Spending time with someone who is going through something can help ease their anxiety, sadness or overall sense of loneliness. 

5. Ask what they need

Asking people what they need is so underrated but so effective. We aren’t socialized to be so direct and perhaps we might also feel a bit of shame for not intrinsically knowing but you’re not a mind reader so you won’t know what you don’t ask. Ask how someone needs you to show up for them in their moment of need. 

6. Give people time

Sometimes the best way to show up for someone is to give them space they ask for or show you they need. Allowing someone to pull themselves toward themselves so they can feel okay again is kind and self-less. Our ego is very self-absorbed and can make you believe that a friend or partner not needing you to heal is a sign of disconnection and their first sign of not wanting you in their lives anymore but that isn’t true. Some people just need time. 

7. Offer your help

Asking for help is hard no matter how close you are to someone and especially so, when you cannot do that thing for yourself. Needing help is not the same as wanting it and oftentimes, we can harber shame for feeling so vulnerable. It’s not easy to always ask so when you can see that your friend or partner is in need, offer to help. Insist if need be, depending on the type of person they are but don’t look away. Showing up requires you to never look away. 

It’s not easy to always instinctively know how to show up for someone because what someone may need today could be very different from what they need the next time around so as a rule of thumb, don’t be afraid to ask how you can show up and what will make that person feel supported and loved by you. Regardless of your approach, always show-up. 

For more personal development content, follow @PhemiSegoe on Twitter and Instagram.