Come back

2020 & 2021 have been the longest, shortest years of my life. I’ve been stressed out of my mind, completely despondent and deeply grateful all at once or respectively but always in circles. The psychological exhaustion is like none other and naturally so, I’ve never lived through a freaking pandemic. And that’s it. We are living through a glocal medical crisis and no one has answers. Vaccines aren’t foolproof but worst of all is that this monster of a virus keeps getting a software upgrade everytime we come close to developing one. This is why being completely and extremely tired is valid. 

If you’re feeling unmotivated, your feelings are valid. 

If you’re feeling overstimulated, your feelings are valid. 

If you’re feeling stressed, your feelings are valid. 

If you’re feeling stuck, your feelings are valid. 

If you’re feeling fed-up with 2021, jump right in the boat. I’ve made room for you!

A lot is happening and not happening. We are being bombarded with information but no answers. If there was a time to call Huston, it’s now. But even in the midst of it all, even in the face of complete cluelessness, lies life; fragile and precious as ever, begging to be lived, nudging to be valued. 

I think the greatest injustice of living through COVID, is how little of our lives we actually get to live because of the constant distractions. Distractions that keep us in a perpetual state of survival. Distractions that keep us away from conscious, intentional, wild living. 

But, we need to live. 

We need to make the time to find and feel joy. We need to make time to find purpose and feel purposeful. We need to allow ourselves to still show up wholeheartedly and navigate this new and temporary reality as present human beings.

How do we do this? What are some practical ways to rediscover the things that fill our cup and make life worth living? 

For me, it’s staying grounded in the present moment. Constantly checking-in with myself and finding out what I need, now. If this pandemic has made me acutely aware of anything, it’s that time is just the construct we use to maintain order and to steer our lives with some semblance of direction but in actual fact, the only time that exists is the time we spend breathing. The only time I have, is what I am currently living and that’s it. So I am choosing to be more present, more grounded, more here. 

How does mindfulness help me fill my cup? It’s my shortcut to gratitude. Whenever I find myself drowning in anxiety, I know it’s because I’ve moved out of my body and into my subconscious. I know I have travelled away from my present moment & I know I have moved out of alignment. I’m also learning just how personal life is and how we cannot outsource our feelings, our healing or our peace. If we are not consciously feeling, actively healing or being still, we are dishonouring ourselves and creating more vacuum spaces that we will later fill with fear, confusion and discontentment. 

I know life is a lot right now, I have been in the belly of the beast and I can tell you for sure that no one knows what will fill your cup other than you. You have the answers but you need to be here to figure them out. You have to be here to listen to your body. You have to be here to know how to carry on even when there’s no clear path forward. 

Come back here.

By Phemi Segoe