Conquering the Comfort of Chaos
Would you describe yourself as someone who chooses to live in chaos?
Not only do you choose it, but would you believe we find comfort in it? While we wouldn't necessarily describe ourselves as addicts, a need to live in a perpetual state of chaos is precisely that. In fact, have you seen the TikTok with the audio that screams, "I want problems, not peace..." That's pretty much what our traumatised subconscious is saying. I hope this made you chuckle for two reasons. Firstly, this is written as a mirror, so there is no judgement, only safety. Secondly, this condition is far more prevalent than we realise.
What is chaos addiction?
This is when we actively look for opportunities that fuel our need to live in a perpetual state of disorder and unrest. As writer Daniel Page describes, "This can mean engaging in behaviours that perpetuate a state of chaos, such as overworking, job-hopping, overspending or even purposely starting feuds with friends, family members and romantic partners."
I believe the comfort of chaos is somewhat softer than addiction but linked to it nonetheless. I would use the term addiction with caution. Reflecting on this, I admit I find comfort in chaos and realise that it's also expecting the negative (looking for signs of it) when things are harmonious in my life. Our homeostatic impulse within the mind is designed to keep us thinking in loops: "By adulthood, many emotional states exist only as subconscious routines unique to each individual’s "default settings" which operate blindly, without conscious questioning." This is why we may ask ourselves why we're always doing something, even though we know there could be a better way. No, it's not something we simply snap out of, either. This is why we may ask for peace but not experience it...because we may be creating situations where chaos is inevitable.
So what are chaos-seeking behaviours?
Irresponsible behaviour
Replay unhealthy patterns
Choosing partners with similar patterns
Starting fights/drama
Addictions
Self sabotage
How do you conquer these behaviours? I love these pointers from Jennifer Cross.
Identify your triggers and remind yourself that the past is gone; this is a safe space.
Choose to re-learn patterns of behaviour.
Identify safe ways to have your needs met. This includes finding a coach you can reach out to or calling a friend. It could be journaling.
Avoid chaotic people and situations. Draw the boundary and protect your peace. Avoid those who are toxic or needy.
Heal your inner child. I'm a big believer in doing the work you need to heal.
I loved this quote I read.
"Chaos is inevitable, but your participation is voluntary."
So what are you volunteering to participate in today?
By Kim Jansen