Is your truth the truth
A few weeks ago I shared a video on my YouTube channel called Perception & Reality. The intention behind this video was to unpack the difference between what we believe to be true vs. what actually is true. I unpack a concept called ‘Naive realism’ which is the belief that how you see the world is indeed how the world is - you will however need to watch the video for further context and understanding. The reason I brought this up is because over and above the psychological constraints our brain faces in an attempt to accurately perceive the world, we add to our perception of the world by the stories we tell ourselves.
Sometimes, we make incorrect assumptions of people not because of their actions but because of the stories we make up. In the absence of information and presence of insecurity we lie to ourselves, honestly. And shortly after, these lies begin to shape our perspective of the world.
Before we can lie to the world, we must lie to ourselves first. Any sane person will read this and think, “who willingly and consciously lies to themselves?” I hate to be the bearer of unfortunate news but many, if not, most people. Probably even you.
People who consciously and deliberately do bad things to other people lie to themselves about what they’re doing and why they’re doing it in an attempt to reconcile their conscience.
People who are too ashamed to apologize for their actions lie to themselves about who did what and who the real victim is, an attempt to shift blame and feel better about themselves.
People who are too afraid to take the first steps toward their healing lie to themselves about how ill they are and feign being okay for as long as humanly plausible.
People who are too afraid to ask for help lie to themselves about their level of self-reliance and independence all in an attempt to avoid facing the truth behind their fear.
We lie to ourselves a lot. And we uphold these lies because dismantling one lie forces another to come tumbling down. The emotional labour required to live intentionally and honestly seems like it will swallow us whole and when you’re in the eye of the storm, you have no idea which direction leads you out of it all so many stay resolute in their honest lies - and it works.
The thing about our conscious mind is, if you tell it one story long enough, it will start to believe it and this is why people can ‘live a lie’ without guilt or discomfort. But if this is true, then surely we should all cook up really positive, hero stories about who we are, where we are and why we are the way we are. These stories can centre us as kind, hard-working, peace-loving people who are constantly and undeservingly mistreated by less loving, unkind, self-centred people. These stories can absolve us of all accountability because in our stories, we are always the victims. The only gag is, we can’t escape our BS.
When we keep finding ourselves in the same positions in relationships, the lies no longer hold.
When we stay stuck in one place in our career, the lies no longer hold.
When we find ourselves consistently longing for connection but being unable to connect, the lies no longer hold.
When we lie to ourselves, we throw away time we will never get back. When we are dishonest about the part we played in the collapse of relationships then we waste time repeating those mistakes again. When we mislead ourselves into believing we are doing our best, we waste time circling around the same block instead of seeing ourselves rise. Lies keep us stuck in the same version of ourselves. They keep us small. They take away our new beginnings.
When reviewing your life and reflecting over the past two years, what have you been lying to yourself about? Which block are you still circling? Most importantly, how can you reconcile your truth with the truth?
By Phemi Segoe