Mental Health Conversations
Mental health has become an extremely important topic of conversion not only in society or the workplace but in all spheres of our lives. Like sexism or racism, some people, usually those who are less affiliated, may find it hard to discuss it meaningfully or ask the kind of questions that will help deepen their understanding. If I’m speaking to you, then don’t fret. We get it. Important conversations are rarely easy, in fact, conversations about mental health can feel daunting. It’s easy to feel in over your head and worry that you’ll only say the wrong things and potentially make the situation worse.
Here are 5 things to consider when approaching a friend, a family member or colleague you are concerned about:
Ask more than once.
Research shows that we answer ‘How are you?’ instinctively as a knee-jerk reaction instead of honestly. Because of this, asking once will take you nowhere. In fact, if you stop there, you won’t get anywhere. By simply asking again, conveying interest and genuine willingness to talk and listen, you create room for an honest answer.
If you’re worried about someone, ask about their wellbeing more than once.
Ask where the boundaries are.
If you’re worried about prying, before asking questions, find out what subjects are open for discussion and which aren’t. Usually, with someone close, you would know, but it’s always best to ask so you don’t overstep your boundary.
Be fully present.
You don’t have to set aside hours to chat, but you do have to set aside time.10 minutes may be all you need if you use them well and to do that you need to be present. Giving someone your undivided attention is not just a sign of respect but also genuine care. Remove distractions like your phone, make sure you’re not in front of a TV and also, do it in an environment that is conducive to the conversation you’re trying to have. Just remember to keep it informal and relaxed. If you don’t have the luxury of contact, Facetiming and phone calls are great ways we can keep in touch and gently ask questions about a loved one’s wellbeing.
Reassurance is key.
Despite mental health being a popular topic of conversation, it’s still riddled with stigma and misconceptions. People suffering from mental illnesses need to be reassured and reminded that their illness is like any other physical illness. It neither defines nor disqualifies them from deserving love, belonging and care. It’s also helpful to mention that you don’t see them differently and affirm their value in your life.
Don’t try to be a hero.
When having difficult conversations, to ease the discomfort we feel, we may sometimes try to offer quick solutions. Don’t do it. Resist the urge to be a hero but most times, people don’t want a quick fix, they want you to listen. Offering solutions to problems that aren’t yours to fix can also make someone feel dismissed or hurried. Listen without interrupting, pay attention to their tone of voice and body language and only after they’ve emptied their tank, if you strongly feel the need to help, ask if your help is welcome.
Finally, remember why you’re doing this. Remember that your comfort isn’t the priority so make sure not to centre it as so. Preparation builds confidence so read up on mental illnesses and mental health so you are well versed and more equipped to have informed, empathic conversations. Here is to better mental health conversations.
By Phemi Segoe @phemisegoe on all social medi