Reminder: Creating Space for Gentleness to Emerge
We set the bar high when it comes to ourselves don’t we? Don’t you feel exhausted by your own constant need to be “better? This pressure you’re feeling right now, often is from within. It’s something we place on ourselves as women because society demands it - without directly saying so of course. When it comes to relationships with self, and the people we care about, that pressure mounts significantly, taking us to boiling point. A pot that’s at boiling point bubbles erratically and eventually, spills and splutters everywhere.
In a rather candid confession to you sisters, I realise that when I’m under pressure, that’s precisely what I do. I’m erratic and begin to splutter uncontrollably, creating nothing more than a hot mess. Not only that, but my husband and children bear the brunt of the spluttering. You see, as a 36-year old woman, I want to give and do so much and at the same time, our generation is central to redefining our role as women in society and fighting battles against Gender Based Violence.
We’re recognising our worth and wanting that same recognition in the workspace, amongst our network of family, friends and colleagues and it’s mentally straining.
With all this happening, we forget that in the midst of the fights we must fight, there is another force and power that we have...our gentleness.
It’s an interesting word…”gentle.” Immediately, images of kindness, understanding and humility spring to mind. The word itself puts one at ease. I love Andy Mort’s insight into gentleness:
“Gentleness breeds peace, calm, and consistency of character. It is not volatile or abrupt in its response to the world. Gentleness is strength because it remains constant and clear-minded across all manner of situations.” I mean what a sensational re-frame this is and what a dramatic shift on how we handle relationships.
What this says to me, is that gentleness is a characteristic of the mindful person. A trait of someone who is aware, alert and present at all times, ready to respond to any given situation in the best way possible, to allow the best possible outcome in any situation to emerge. This led me to thinking about how we can go about cultivating the strength found only in gentleness.
Stay mindful. When you’re present and in a state of awareness, you’re able to dismiss any judgement of your spouse and yourself and look at the situation for what it is.
Interrogate every aspect of the situation and how it makes you feel. Examine it, lean into it and figure out what’s emerging in your emotions. Decide whether these emotions are valid or not and whether they serve the relationship or not.
Choose your response. A wise proverb reveals that “a gentle answer turns away wrath.” It will calm the wildest storm and direct slowly, but surely, break through the barriers around the hardest hearts.
Understand that cultivating gentleness becomes a way of being…
Reading over this, I know from experience that cultivating that gentleness is one of the hardest things to do...but if, just maybe, you started being more gentle on you, you would find it easier to be more gentle with the people you loved most. In doing so, maybe, just maybe, we can discard unnecessary, words of anger (that serve no purpose), before they have even fully formed in our minds and create, for ourselves, the resilient, strong, gentle relationships we all picture in our minds.
I say take the word “gentle” back girls...own it and every aspect of this powerful state of being. It’s one of our virtues that comes more naturally to us and you know what, cheers to that. Maybe, just maybe, embracing gentleness will be the strongest move we could ever make as women.
By Kim Jansen | Creative Content
Instagram @kimjansen777
Facebook: Kim Ilana Jansen