To equality and beyond: Part II

Beyond Equality

Before continuing with these next thoughts, please read Part I here.

We left off at: “Perhaps, as we celebrate and strive for equality, we can, in fact, take things just one step further.”

How about we strive to be “complementary?” 

According to Merriam-Webster, to be complementary means to “enhance or emphasise the qualities of another person or thing.” This was something my husband said to me. “We are not just equal,” he added in the loaded silence in the air for dramatic effect, as one does. He then finished off this with this loaded statement: “we are complementary because we bring out the best in one another.” How beautiful is that…to add value to your relationships in one another that you enhance the already wonderful qualities that reside in you as individuals.

While you introspect, don’t be alarmed if you find that there is an imbalance in your relationships. Relationships are organic, ebbing and flowing in tune with the person that you are. This is an opportunity for you to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. 

Something that is uncomfortable and absolutely necessary - allowing both parties in a relationship to be heard while practising how to respond in love and respect - critical conversations. (By the way, I just realised that this is as good as a “combo move” in high-intensity exercise, but for your relationship...boom)

Oh, and be ready to receive feedback too - this is the toughest part for the sunshine yellow, rescuer and never disappoint personality type that I am. This is when you implement deep listening: suspending judgement, being empathic and seeing from your partner’s perspective.

Approach this topic with the intention of wanting the best for you and your partner, friend or child. This is not a subject that comes naturally. As you engage, remember not all critical conversations will happen at once. Our emotions can feel depleted after one conversation, but you can change that. Reality check, this may be tough for both of you and can get heated, but choose to respond in love. Love cools the heat that can come with anger, hurt or frustration. 

Having said the above, don’t sit and mull over the negative things about your partner or family member. It is going to be even more important to concentrate on the good things about them. This always balances the perspective. The point of the exercise is to introspect. Observe how and you are responding to the feedback you receive and why?

This is going to allow you to dig deep. Journal about the experience (journaling is a great way to help you clear your mind). You are only responsible for yourself and what you take away from the critical conversations. The observation is to help you grow. Ask yourself whether your partner has a valid point; if so, why is it valid? The answers are often not what you would assume and can bring an unforeseen breakthrough for you personally

Once you have observed and determined how to adjust your own behaviour, be intentional about your growth. Be kind to yourself and your partner, giving yourselves space to stumble, but stay mindful and adjust where you need to. This is not about keeping score; it’s about showing up daily as the best version of yourself in the relationship. If both parties focus being the best versions of themselves, being mindful of the needs of their partner, a deeply mindful and loving relationship is something you start living.

So while we strive for equality, perhaps if we share our focus with being complimentary, we will strive to add value to one another, constantly bringing out the best in one another because we are focused on showing up as the best version of ourselves.

#eachforequal #complementarycouples #value #relationships #family.