Money & Me (make it personal ladies)
Now that I sit down to think about it, money is something I used to think about quite abstractly if I am entirely honest. I received “pocket money” growing up and when I started working, although I tried reading books about money and finance, I did not define my relationship with it.
Let’s pause there for a moment...have you defined your relationship with money? It may seem like an odd question, but ladies, think about this pragmatically. If there is no relationship defined, if the understanding of how best to optimise this tool is not defined, abuse is inevitable. If a relationship with someone you consider to be a significant other is never defined, then surely the relationship is left under nurtured, undervalued and it will deteriorate. How do you expect to grow your relationship if there is no understanding of what that relationship means. I learned the hard way, that the same goes for money. So perhaps, in a bid to ensure we use the tool called money to serve us well (managing our finances responsibility and still treating ourselves for all our hard work) starts with defining what your relationship with money is.
We make an emotional connection with money, because it touches every area of our lives, and I have found that consciously defining that relationship empowers you and creates a better psychological and emotional relationship with this tool. Jonathan Clements of the “The Humble Dollar Blog” provides some thought provoking questions to help you understand what your relationship with money is right now, and to help us shift into a better space with money.
If money were no object, what would I change about my life?
What are your 3 best financial moves? It’s important to focus on your financial successes, even the small ones. Did you pay off a debt sooner?
What are your 3 biggest financial mistakes and what have you learnt from that?
What did you learn about money from your parents? Was it ever something that was discussed and taught about in the home?
What’s the minimum amount of money you need to stay afloat financially every month - he recommends you note how you feel as you work through this.
Note your biggest fears concerning money...it may have little to do with your realities.
When was the last time you had an honest conversation about your finances with someone?
Name 3 people that are in great financial shape and what have they done to get to get to that point?
Once you have an idea of what your relationship with money is, take your power back and manage it. Don’t judge yourself in this process...what’s important is that you’re wanting to change something for the better. In learning more about money, I have learnt that managing finances is in fact a demonstration of self-love. That’s right. I love what Blogger Laura (I want my life back) states: “Managing your money is a form of self-care. It’s about how you treat yourself, educate yourself and secure a future for yourself.” How is that for a shift in perspective?
Start out with budgeting. It’s not as intimidating as it seems. Track your money. How are you spending it? Can you save more than you anticipated? Tracking it allows you to see if you can pump more money into debt? When you track your money, you own your habits which shifts responsibility back to you and is deeply empowering. This also gives you a picture of what you own vs what you owe. If it’s not a pretty picture, at least you can see what you need to do to change it.
Speaking of what you owe, deal with your debt. My husband, Quintus lives by the saying, “if you’re in a hole, stop digging.” I recently interviewed an incredible Debt Counsellor, Farhana Azeem who really gave insight to Debt Review: a tool designed to help us get out of the whole of debt and give us access to expert advice. She reveals that this is nothing to be ashamed of and that when working with the right Debt Counsellor, you will stop digging. “Further to this Kim, this tool has been designed to aid every person who is over indebted. They will receive legal protection and communication with their creditors on their behalf and the much needed restructuring of debt in order to cover expenses and daily living.” Farhana Azeez
Something I’ve recently started to help me save is actually proving fruitful. I love beautiful, excellent quality but I am a bargain queen. I realised that I wasn’t “seeing” money I save on the bargains, so now I put it into my savings account. How often do you go on your grocery run and find a surprise discount? Often you can save up to R100 on discounts. I’ve budgeted the full amount, so if there are discounts, I simply take the difference and transfer it to my savings. I do it quickly, without overthinking it. In one month, I had set R400 aside in my 32 day account. There’s something satisfying about actually being able to “see” where your savings go.
This is encouraging advice...if we look for help we will find it. Taking responsibility for our essential needs will then indicate what we can save and of course, what we have to play with.
When I started working, my mother, in her wisdom said: “Once you’ve taken care of the essentials, get something for you: even if you just get yourself a lipstick, your favourite flowers or take yourself out for one meal, make sure you love yourself enough to get yourself something because you work so hard for it.” Turns out science backs this thought.
Author of Better Than Before,Gretchen Rubin, reveals the following:
“Studies show that people who got a little treat, in the form of receiving a surprise gift or watching a funny video, gained in self-control. It's a Secret of Adulthood: If I give more to myself, I can ask more from myself. Self-regard isn't selfish.
By contrast, when we don't get any treats, we feel depleted, resentful and angry and justified in self-indulgence. We start to crave comfort—and we'll grab that comfort wherever we can, even if it means breaking good habits.”
How I interpret this is, if it’s something small, a book you have wanted or an online class, the idea of a treat (only once you have taken care of your responsibilities) is no longer self-indulgent, but an act of self-love.
Love yourself enough to teach yourself about your finances. Choose courage over comfort to face the mountain you may have to climb and get the help if needed. Have to courage to start.
Written by: Kim Ilana Jansen.