Changing my Perspective (as a busy Mama)

It‘s so easy to make that which is precious, common. I’m going to be honest; I’m not the most patient person. However, being a deeply reflective one, the past couple of years it has been my personal goal to demonstrate more patience and not take my family for granted. 

Let’s get real for a second, ladies we give a lot. The constant giving and my own disillusionment in having to be all things to everyone, and needing it to be perfect, is what often triggered my impatience and that’s how I realised how easy it is to make what is precious common. But, when I shifted perspective to pour love into what I do in the present moment for my family, the words of the eternal Maya Angelou sprang to life: “I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberated the soul of the giver.” What’s worked for me is actively cultivating the culture of gratitude in our home. 

Meditate on the Good

In order to give, we need to do so from a place of gratitude. I love how Elaine Smookler defines grateful living as follows: “Living your life with gratitude means choosing to focus your time and attention on what you appreciate.”

In other words, as stated in the wise scriptures of the book of Philippians: “whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

This I believe can be applied to when we engage with our families. It’s easy to see the things everyone in the household does wrong, but I have experienced that making a concerted effort to meditate on the right, good, praise-worthy aspects of my family cultivates an unwavering sense of gratitude for them. In other words, my perspective changes. A great practice around a meal is to ask everyone what they appreciate about one another. This prompts thought and really shifts how we see one another.

Bring on Your Bridgerton Manners: The Art of Politeness. 

Ok yes, we’re all obsessed with Bridgerton and binging on it (I mean watching it). I was reminded of a nugget I discussed with my cousin Lee and her husband Josef.  This nugget is being intentionally polite with one another. Upgrade small phrases within your home. Instead of saying “quickly hand me that broom” you could try “would you mind passing me the broom please.” With my own children, I see a rapid response to politeness, making eye contact followed by a smile and thanks (which is often followed by a hug from them). The science is there to prove it. “Being polite means being aware of and respecting the feelings of other people. Politeness can and will improve your relationships with others, help to build respect and rapport, boost your self-esteem and confidence, and improve your communication skills.” Politeness further entrenches a culture of gratitude. 

Say it Say it loud...Say it Clear

Praising your children (and your spouse) in front of others cultivates pride and a desire to live up to that reputation. At the same time, it reminds us that despite our flaws and the things we do wrong, those are not the things that define us. Our families are the beautiful, flawed, imperfect, unmatched people we adore and yes, they are worthy of all our love and gratitude and we need to remind them of how brilliant they are and that we see their brilliance. 

Encourage and Teach Servitude

Something I started when my eldest daughter was quite little, is getting her to pack away toys that she hardly plays with. We sort them into little gift bags for friends with younger children or take a trip across the road to the local charity shop. I speak to them often about how they have so much more than others and to be thankful for it. So much so that my eldest now says, “whatever I get, I’m grateful for it.” The most beautiful thing was overhearing her say to her little sister “you must be grateful for whatever you get.” Something I considered relatively insignificant has etched something beautiful into their little characters. I also get them to serve in the house. By this I mean doing something nice for one another - whether it’s clearing one another’s dinner plates or helping the other get dressed etc. 

We often think that we need to make changes that are so drastic, the world will sit up and notice. From personal experience, these small changes have led to a beautiful way of interacting with one another (well lost times at least). A culture of gratitude in the home will lead to a culture of gratitude and generosity outside of it. 

By Kim Jansen