Becoming the woman you need
We’ve all heard the ‘women don’t really get along’ or ‘women are always in competition’ narrative and you know what, it’s probably still true in many spaces. However, this doesn’t have to be your experience and story.
We are women. If we want to change the narrative about women not getting along then guess what we have to do? You might have guessed it, we have to get along with other women ourselves. When you hear that women are consistently in competition, as yourself when last you truly supported another woman. The point is, we are one. What we do to each other, we do to ourselves. The issues that we ignore, we also fuel.
Real connections are birthed from genuine love. It’s only when we start building relationships from a place of love and a pure desire to build sistahood that we’ll see real change. The intention behind the relationships we form will outlast everything else. And sure, some women have a lot more self-awareness work to do but that doesn’t mean we cannot hold space for loving them as they grow into themselves.
The concept of sisterhood falls flat when we look outward and find multiple flaws with other women. We cannot change other women but we can ourselves. We cannot tell another woman how to behave but we can model that behaviour ourselves. We won’t be perfect little women ourselves but we’re not looking for perfection, we’re looking for love.
By turning inward and choosing to work on you, you lead by example and create room for other women to self-improve without fear of rejection or persecution. We need more women turning inward for self-improvement than outward for judgement. Remember, you cannot shame someone into self-improvement; you can only make them aware that it is possible for them.
When I was younger, I was obsessed with the notion of having a girl squad. I still have moments when I feel like I’m missing out on an extraordinary experience of love that only exists in a group of women who love each other as much as they love themselves. Women who see a sister and friend in one another and huddle up to support each other in their time of need. When I think deeper about this idea, the first thing that jumps out at me is the desire for female friendships and connection. Although there have been waves of articles and even lived experiences of women tearing each other down, I still believe that deep down, we want to support one another as well as feel supported by other women too.
I believe that we as women have been starving for sisterhood but because it’s easier to control women when they are divided and in constant competition, we’ve been fed the wrong narrative. We've been tricked into believing and ultimately reinforcing falsehoods about ourselves. We need to change these narratives because we are the women we need. We can be to each other, who we’ve been searching for.
By celebrating, forgiving, supporting and loving on each other, we can create the kinds of connections we’ve so longed for.
And finally, whenever you start feeling threatened by another woman, ask yourself this “am I really as small as my ego is playing me out to be right now?” We may have a way to go in building trust, holding space for each other's shortcomings and learning to love without competition but the truth is, we can and we must. Because we are the women you need.
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