Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself
Do you often find yourself chasing deadlines and promises you’ve made to everyone but yourself? Do you place the needs of friends, family, colleagues and clients far ahead of your own? Don’t be ashamed. This kind of behaviour is glorified in our society. We love selfless people so much that we shame those who are selfish about their ‘me time’. We are so wired to believe that it is right for our needs to come after everyone else’s that we often find ourselves constantly disappointing ourselves.
This behaviour is most common among women because selflessness has been the badge of honour imposed on women and deviating from this way of life is absolutely abominable. The only problem is, we owe ourselves the best before anyone else.
Young girls start pleasing people at a young age to gain acceptance and approval. Which later turns into a strategy to build friendships and belonging. This way of life is rooted in putting the needs of others ahead of your own. It is self-sabotaging and it is self-dishonouring. We owe ourselves the time, respect, consideration and kindness we so diligently afford to other people. Afterall, what profits a woman if she gains the whole world but loses her own soul?
But saying ‘prioritise yourself’ or ‘choose yourself’ is easier said than done. To help you keep the promises you make to yourself, here are a few questions to ask yourself:
Is this still what I want?
Our needs change depending on where we are in our lives and this means, what we need from ourselves changes too. This is okay. What’s important is to regularly check-in with yourself to make sure you are still on the right page.
What can I let slide and what is non-negotiable?
Because boundaries. You need to be clear on your soft and hard limits so that everyone else can be clear too.
When can I commit to this?
Being realistic about our promises is important. There’s no point in over-promising and under-delivery. You don’t do it at work so don’t do it with yourself.
Who can help me stay accountable?
This is important. Who can you trust to always bring you back to your promises and lovingly help you honour them?
What is the process I need to follow?
Breaking down your promises into bite-size tasks makes them easier to achieve so do that for yourself. Make it easier to do what you said you want to do.
Which small milestones will I celebrate?
Celebrating your small achievements along the way builds momentum and motivates you to keep going. Also, celebrating yourself is a beautiful display of self-love that you should always try to do more of.
When you aren’t able to show-up for yourself how you hoped you would, it’s important to practise self-compassion and lovingly allow yourself to course correct without being overly critical. Learning to prioritise our needs and follow through on promises may take time but with commitment, we can get to a place where we only offer our energy based on what we don’t need for ourselves.
You matter and keeping your word to yourself matters just as much.
By Phemi Segoe