Truthfully, motherhood can be lonely, especially in those early months when you’ve not only birthed an entire human being but when you’ve just been born into parenthood.

Part of the change that occurs is in your friendships. While there are many of you who are lucky enough to have beautiful friendships that transition from one stage of your life to the next or where you grow into motherhood together, not everyone will fully understand the mammoth changes that you’re undergoing. Similarly, you may not understand it either and it’s only after you’ve found your rhythm in motherhood that you can look back and articulate it. This is why exploring not only new friendships but how your friendships evolve, with curiosity and respect is important. Here are some tips for strengthening friendships as our motherhood transitions.

Embrace the change. Some of your friends will want to be part of it and others may distance themselves for whatever reason.

Make small efforts. This is a biggie, sometimes you will want to point fingers and want everyone to be understanding about the phase you’re in, but this works both ways. Maybe you can’t get to playdates or birthdays because of extra-murals or exhaustion, however, sending a text to stay connected makes a heck of a difference

Tell your girls how you feel. Don’t create a narrative if you haven’t had actual conversations about where your friendships are at.

Become aware of yourself and how you’re showing up as much as you’re sensing where your friends are at.

Stay open to new friendships. Sometimes new phases mean connecting with new people. This doesn’t mean the 20-year-old friendships fall away, but it may mean that you have a new friend who is in a similar phase of her life and may just be a great ear when you need someone who can relate to you or who doesn’t mind a cup of coffee while you’re both jumping up from your seats to dash after the kids at a restaurant.

A date with the girls, even every couple of months is not only necessary, but it’s healthy. Yes, sometimes it feels like too much effort but guess what, friendships are worth the coordination to ask your partner or network to look after the kids, put on a pretty dress and switch off your phone to hang out with the women that energise you.

By Kim Jansen

Strengthening ‘hood friendships