Road to Motherhood During Covid 19
I've always wanted to be a mom. I've always looked forward to falling pregnant, going for a scan and hearing my baby's heartbeat for the first time. I couldn't wait for my maternity shoot to get a shot with my bump out, eating fruit loops.
Unfortunately, two months into my pregnancy the morning sickness started and it came on hard. I was hospitalised thrice and I was stuck in my bedroom, vomiting at least three times a day, struggling to keep anything down. The doctors reassured me that it was a sign of a strong pregnancy.
The morning sickness slowly subsided and by the sixth month, I was able to partake in normal activities like eating (this is a big one for me), meeting up with friends and family, and enjoying my birthday with friends. I was starting to enjoy my pregnancy and I was excited about the events to come. I had plans for a pregnancy massage, a maternity shoot and a baby shower. Then COVID-19 happened.
When the lockdown was announced, our priority was to buy everything the baby and I would need for the first few months. We rushed to buy baby clothes and supplies, in case the baby came during this time.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I was not going to have a baby shower and I wouldn't get to dress up and look/feel pretty for my maternity shoot. Lord knows, I still wish I could get a pregnancy massage to ease the body pains.
Regardless, I tried to stay positive. What really got to me was realising the things I wasn't going to experience as a first-time mom. I wasn't going to celebrate the coming of my baby with friends and family. My mom can't come from Botswana to guide me into the first months of motherhood, a cultural tradition I hold dearly. This breaks my heart.
What's really been helping me was Instagram. I followed pregnancy/motherhood content and I unfollowed pages that made me anxious. My favourite content is from hashtags such as #pregnantfashion and #mother to pages such as @Parents, @genesis_maternityclinic and @mother.ly. I feel like I'm not alone. My favourite posts are the ones that reassure you that it's okay to be scared and grieve the pregnancy/experiences you thought you'd have. Now I know that I'm not alone, that I shouldn't be hard on myself and that I can be honest about how I feel.
It's a tough time for all of us but being pregnant during this time has really been a blessing. In the midst of the storm, I have something to look forward to. Something that gives me joy, hope and keeps my mind off the craziness. For that, I feel lucky. This sense of purpose completely outweighs how I would've felt had I been stuck at home, not knowing what the future holds. The future brings my first-born child, the expression of the love my husband and I share, the rainbow after the storm.
Atang Mmatladi